Thursday, April 23, 2009

Lost Again... Found Again

"Lost Again"
Oil on Panel
10" x 20"
Available for purchase at the Greenwood Artwalk starting May 8th

This last week has brought many the challenge to my little artistic self. I opt not to drag you with me through the details of memory lane, but to share with you something that I discovered about myself along the way... 

"I'm not perfect."


I put myself through many inner struggles this week - enough to really derail me... I hate to say it. But I had to put down the brush. Yes. Thee brush! The absolutely worst thing I could do! My inner critic! He took over and busted creative bubble. I really don't know what happened. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I found myself anxious, not sleeping well, and just plain troubled as to why I could not move forward with the painting I was working on. 

Now to jump right to the "learning about myself part"... and I must quote from a book I am reading... Walking in This World, by Julia Cameron.

 "Many of us falter, thinking that in order to begin a creative work we must know precisely how to finish it and, beyond that, to insure its reception in the world. We are, in effect, asking for a guarantee of our success before we have taken the single most important step necessary to insure it. That step is commitment..."

THEN! I read THIS! Which hit it right on the head for me...

"When we are worrying about creating instead of actually creating, we are wasting our creative energy."

And then THIS one hit me again!...

"Thinking is not the enemy, but overthinking is."

It was like someone kept hitting me over my soar little swollen worried artist head, with the very book I was reading! Saying, "Get up woman! Are you denying yourself the process of making art because you are so focused on the final product? Let it go! Pick up that brush and let it flow!"

So I did. It took awhile. I paced a bit. Ate a lot. But I finally did it. I worked out my artistic kink.

So for a while this week I was Lost... and then I was found. 

Tomorrow I WILL be returning to the easel to paint "Turning Red". No drama. Just me, the brush and my "dial" turned to the creative channel!

A couple great inspirational artist's blog posts I read this past week:


Arco Scheepen said...

Hi Jennifer,
great to read that you got 'found' again. Funny thing, I've been stuck for a while now, and only for the last few days have a feeling of seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. We all struggle with this from time to time I think...
Have fun!

Dick Rink said...

Worrying about your creativity. Indeed a problem we all have to face every now and then. But what a great ruling to live by!

"When we are worrying about creating instead of actually creating, we are wasting our creative energy."

Must keep that in mind.

Thanks for sharing Jennifer!

Maria, Expeditionary Art said...

I've been reminding myself to have some "messy" time in the studio when I just get to play around with my paints and do things that are just for me. If I dive in on paintings that I plan to have part of a larger portfolio, I sometimes tighten up and worry that they need to be perfect! My play and experimentation reminds me why I love to paint and pushes me to learn new things.
Happy friday!

Elizabeth Seaver said...

We have to lean on the experience and wisdom of others to get through our slumps as artists. Good for you for working it out! Your painting is just dreamy!

Deborah T. Colter said...

"That step is commitment..." For some reason it does seem much easier to get derailed artistically these days. Thank you for sharing this difficult experience with us all. I often find that when the inner critic rears its head, as frustrating as it is, it is often is a breakthrough time of great growth. I was recently reminded [by a blog comment] we are on a journey, every step matters, great or difficult. Step on...

"If I create from the heart, nearly everything works; if from the head, almost nothing." -Marc Chagall

BTW, Thanks for the blog mention!!

The Art of Kim Kincaid said...

Thank you for sharing this, Jennifer. So very helpful and inspired.

Jennifer Phillips said...

Thanks everyone for your encouraging words...